Your Favorite Videogame Sucks

I’ve started to wonder if the entire entertainment industry has a yearly barbeque pot-luck dinner in which movie moguls, A&R big-wigs, and television hot-shots get together and plot out the new hotness; talking for hours, and going over demographics to figure out what this new hotness is.  The video game industry is sort of that out-of-place in the arena of entertainment.  Sure, the industry rakes in tens of billions of dollars yearly, but the industry is still niche.  Though they’ll never admit it in a million years, your typical jocks or “ew, icky games are gross” type of people are still gamers if they own a PS3, XBox or Wii.

The industry is wise to this, so they have devised a clever little plan to rake in more gamers and more cash.  It wasn’t hard for them to figure it out: People like numbers at the end of titles, people like boobs; and the only thing they love more than boobs are big, phallic, throbbing guns.  With this simple formula in place, they’ve been able to release titles that hit people in the mouth.  Punch-drunk, and loving it, these people are able to swallow big-name title after big-name title.   The industry has gone through its growing pains, and now it is able to fire off on all cylinders like a clock-work project monolith; it is impartial to human emotion; always seeing, and always knowing.

A group of weary games journalists have woken up from the dream in which they have been living in.  They had grown accustomed to their dates with PR, in-studio tours, and late-night binge drinking on the tab of Phony Computer Entertainment (Names have been replaced to protect the guilty).  These brave journalists stood up and stated a creed; eloquent in its simplicity, and yet gravely profound to those who have ears to hear, “We shall not stand for shitty, derivative video games.”  Their battle-cry rang violently across the plains, and it shook the very foundation of the industry monolith.  The industry was awe-struck by the valor of these wordsmiths.  They felt as through the earth beneath them could collapse at any second.  That is, until the monolith developed a mind for which it could use to adapt to any situation.   You see, the industry began fighting a battle on two fronts.  The journalists were proving to be quite bothersome, but a new threat loomed over the country side bearing a banner named Indie.  The industry knew that it surely fall if these terrorist cells gained enough influence to turn their own slaves (the gamers) against them.  The industry knew that this two-front war would be impossible; so they devised a plan that would be fool-proof: Ally the journalists with the independent game developers; make them fall in love with each other so that a sleeper agent can be placed within their ranks.

And the plan could not have worked more perfectly.  The plan worked three-fold: The industry must cannibalize itself to give the journalists fodder that will distract them from the big-picture.  Second, activate the sleeper agent to act like an independent game developer, but with full financial and PR backing from the monolith.   And finally the third act was ready.  The coup de grace was to restore the act of making derivative video games.

It’s very easy to see how evil the mind of the industry became.  By the time a new generation of journalists came about, it was too late for them to think for themselves.  The irony of this story is how the journalists still yearn for originality, but their senses have been dulled to a fine spoon.  This is how the industry did this:  It created a war within itself.  It allowed one part of itself to be inferior to the others.  This was integral to the entire plan.  I might even go as far as to say that this was the crux of the plan all along.  This was a very easy countermeasure to the journalists because the inferior part was once the dominating force.  One might say that this was the monolith itself at one point, but only if legend serves correctly.  This inferior part would anger them, because it served them well at one point.  Next, the monolith activated the sleeper agent known as ‘Bustion Woman (Names have been changed to protect the guilty, once again fanboys say “woot”).  This game was disguised as a small indie project, but this project received the royal treatment.  One journalist (God, bless him, we’ll call him Angel Shoemountain) fell into this trap and attempted to champion this big-budget title as the true indie weapon against the evil monolith.

Next, the rise of publishing power-house Lazyhearing (okay it is Activision. They don’t need to be protected) Activision’s revenue came from only three videogames, and this should have angered the journalists; but, the games from this publisher received high praise from these same journalists.  They fell for this clever ruse hook, line, and quicksand.  The journalists couldn’t be marked for their mistake, so they had to think quickly: Let’s name smaller games as derivative, and stupid.  This will confuse the public and keep our journalistic integrity intact.  Smaller games did emerge.  And, mind you, these were good, quality games that deserved positive publicity.  But the journalists, with their reputation on the line, spat in the faces of these meager developers hoping to break into the industry.  These games were not perfect, but they were good.  Since the journalists were distracted they had to give these games a red-letter label of derivation.   A solid “D” was the stigma that beset these game developers.  Everywhere they went they heard the same thing “Like God of War, but…”  “Like Final Fantasy, but…” “Like The Legend of Zelda, Metroid, and Castlevania; (etc. ad nauseum) but…”  This was the new creed of the videogame journalists.  Nobody knew how far they fell.  Nobody could know, for the ramifications would be great.

So this is the state of the game, young reader.  The once strong videogame journalists are divided, and almost conquered.  The monolith is grinding away, strong as ever.  So I hope that you can pass along these fleeting words of advice.  A modest proposal, if you will.

—A Modest Proposal from a Gamer Who Cares—

Dearest videogame journalists,

I know this letter comes at trying times, but desperate times call for desperate measure.  As I write this, I am filled with dread; for the present state of games journalism is anemic.   I have heard the words from everyone, and I have been deep in thought.  I could not write until I figured out a plan that could help us rise again in the face of the dark monolith known as “The Industry.”  I know you are betwixt your thoughts, a duality you have been regrettably forced to live in.  I feel fortunate that I have not yet “made it” as a journalist, and perhaps this perspective may help you reestablish your, our, once proud nation.

I hate to say this, but your willingness to view the world in shades of gray has clouded your judgment.  You have been entrapped by your own words, they very words you seemingly wield.  You seem like masters of your craft at one moment, and motley fools the next.  This is because the industry has direct control over you.  I shudder at those words; and I hope you feel the same way, too.  I have been on the verge of anger, but I know that anger will solve nothing at all.  I was so enraptured by my anger that I couldn’t write for months on end.  I was consumed with such fury that I couldn’t bring the words that I wanted to say to the front of my lips.  I had to stand back for a moment.  I had to stand back, and watch the suffering that happened around me.

Through this time of contrition, I mustered enough conviction to create concrete countermeasures thanks, in part, to concise citations.  It’s so simple: Gears of War is Winback, God of War is Smash TV, and Final Fantasy is Ultima with jobs; furthermore, Call of Duty: Modern Warfare is Space Invaders, Trials HD is Excite Bike; ‘Splosion Man is Portal, which is N+; which is Mega Man who is Mario with an arm cannon.  The truth cannot be unseen, nor can it be unheard.   If we are to win against the monolith, we must embrace the derivative nature of videogames, of entertainment in general.  It’s absolutely foolish to keep going down this same track of accepting videogames that are derivative, and rejecting games that are also derivative.  However, it’s not that simple.  We must use the Monolith’s same weapon against it.  We must outright reject that which we must embrace.  It will be a hard adjustment to make.  The monolith was able to adapt to us, because it is unfeeling.  We are people with real emotions.  We care about our craft, and what we cover, with the ferocity of a lion protecting its pride.  But we must stand vigilant.  If we are to win every single big-budget title must be labeled, and spat on; it must be beaten and bruised.  No matter the name attached to the software, we must reject it cold-heartedly.  It is the only way that we can win.

We must remind the gaming public constantly about what they are playing.  We must tell them that they are consuming an abomination.  If they check the review for the latest Call of Duty game, they must be told that it is Madden.  When Mass Effect 3 comes out, we must tell them it is Knights of the Old Republic meets Hamlet (Spoilers: Everybody dies. I just spoiled ME2 & ME3 for you ^_^).  And what about Splinter Cell: Conviction?  It must be pounded into every gamer’s skull that the game sucks because it is every Splinter Cell, Metal Gear Solid, Legend of Zelda, and Mega Man game rolled into one.  And every one of these games must receive a 7.9 or below (or if you’re using the Star Scale: 3 Stars, no more.)  It has been scientifically proven that games that receive a 7.9 or below sell shit (but there are rare occasions where that is not so).   It is this new belief that will cause the monolith to go through a full restart.  You see, the industry has divided you over time.  Now, with a singular vision, we will move forward.   With any luck, this letter can be held under-wraps.  If this movement can fly below the radar, we may just have a chance, a hope in Hell.

Sincerely,

Daniel Wise

Consumption Overload

A topic that has caught my eye lately is that of the oversaturation of the games industry with mediocre titles that seem to have all the hype in the world behind them, and the truly great games that seem to never catch a break.  I will admit that I’ve been one of the sorry suckers that have bought into the hype of games long before they are released.  What’s worse is that I realize what I’ve done.  I’ve spent $60 on games before and put in around 5 hours of actual gameplay. Read more

Blurring the Lines: Modern Warfare 2

As most of you are aware, footage has been leaked of the terrorist segment in COD: Modern Warfare 2.  The obvious reaction has been the firestorm that has erupted over the violence content within video games.  At this point, I’m not sure whether I should be disturbed by this, or if this is a brilliant move on the part of Infinity Ward. There are a few ways to look at this: The obvious one is that this is your shock and awe for the sake of shock and awe. The second is that this simply fulfills the violence porn that propagates within the industry. But, the third is that this could in fact be rife with social commentary. I want to think that this challenges the player in a different way.

Read more

Meet The Players Podcast #6 – Hi, How Are You Pete Franco

The “Meet the Players” podcast is the mid-week interview session with today’s movers and shakers within the video game industry.  Each week Daniel interviews professors, artists, programmers and critics, inquiring on the latest trends in the industry and shedding light on the topics of this ever changing form of media.

Enjoy!

THE PETER FRANCO INTERVIEW

Peter Franco is in charge of the art within Hi, How Are You from Apples App Store.  He has carefully crafted the aesthetic of Daniel Johnston’s art into an innovative platformer.  Franco is a classically trained artist who graduated from the University of Michigan.  He later found himself traveling to Austin, Texas and a career in creating art for video games.  He has been through three major console generations with creating art for the N64, PS2/XBox and PS3/XBox 360.  Now, he has partnered up with Stephen Broumley to form Dr. Fun Fun and Smashing Studios to take step back to a simpler time of gaming with Apple’s iPhone.

HI, HOW ARE YOU IPHONE/IPOD TOUCH GAME

Hi, How Are You is an iPhone/iPod Touch game based on the works and mythology of indie legend Daniel Johnston.  The game is full of classic gaming references, sweet tilt-based gameplay and surreal art that will please the eye.  The game is available on the iTunes App store for only 99 cents, so give it a look and support your indie developers.

Download the Podcast

Subscribe to the podcast on iTunes

Stream the podcast directly

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Episode 32 – Heads Up! U Prankster!

Episode 31: Heads Up! Free Time!!!

Halo 3: ODST Review

Get set, it’s time to drop.

Overview:

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Halo 3: ODST follows the exploits of a Marine ODST squad in the city of New Mombasa.  The Covenant have brought a few party boats to earth and they’re having a good night at the expense of those pesky humans.  The story begins with a botched drop when one of the Covenant ships goes into slipspace causing a massive EMP explosion that rocks all the human troops of course.  It’s a futuristic version of the night-time air raid on Normandy and nearly everyone has been dropped quite a ways away from their intended landing zones.  The ODST squad has been separated and their number one priority becomes survival.

Meet The Rookie:

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Halo 3: ODST puts the player in the shoes of “The Rookie” a silent, but capable trooper who is a new addition to the team of Bucky, Dutch, Micky, Romeo and Dare (is anybody else reminded of Top Gun by this?).  The game opens six hours after the botched drop with Rookie waking up with the Covenant occupation at full effect.  Squads of brutes, jackals and grunts are searching the city for stragglers and Rookie is just happens to occupy the description of the stragglers.  The night-time segments of the game is drastically different from the day-time as Rookie must make haste to get from point A to point B in New Mombasa, quickly moving between lights and shadow.  This gameplay mechanic is vastly different from other versions of the Halo franchise as it’s more prudent to avoid fire fights than to actually engage the enemy.  Rookie must schour the streets and find clues to the disappearance of his squad with the aid of the city’s Superintendant.

Meet the ODSTs:

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The ODSTs are vulnerable as opposed to the ridiculously over-powered Master Chief.  Players find that bullets and lasers tear very easily through their armor and flesh and death can come very siftly.  Moreover, ODSTs are prone to take damage from long falls, and collecting healthpacks are a must.  ODSTs are outfitted with a VIZR feature that allows them to have a tactical advantage on the battlefield.  The darkness becomes illuminated and the player can easily spot enemies before they themselves are spotted.  Players then have the ability to use a map (a la Ghost Recon: AW) that gives them a definitive lay of the land.  The down side is that the VIZR is utterly useless during the day.  Upon activation, the player will enter a world of blinding pain that makes eye gauging What’s more is that the player is now outfitted with new weapons that take advantage of the silent nature of the ODSTs.

The Game:

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In stark contrast to the night-time sequences are the daytime sequences.  These are triggered when Rookie finds artifacts belonging to his missing squad mates.  During the day-time, the essence of Halo truly shines with frantic, non-stop action.  The day-time sequences are easily digestible as each mission shouldn’t last more than 30 to 40 minutes on Normal difficulty. That all changes on Heroic and Legendary which showcases the power of the Covanent and the frailty of the ODSTs.  The day-time sequences are extremely hard to go solo in the high difficulties, so the first run-through should be on Normal.  The campaign is strictly meant to be played solo, but co-op is available.The story of Halo 3: ODST is a bit of a let-down compared to the hype that was manufactured.  I came into this expecting to be blown away by the voice acting, setting and themes, but I came away from it disappointed.  This game is similar to last summer’s Transformers 2, in which you have a story that tries way too hard, mixed with action sequences that are over the top and yet very satisfying.  Bungie doesn’t deliver on the surface, but for those that become dedicated to searching for a deeper meaning to the game will find that Bungie has provided just that.  A couple play-throughs and a knowledge of literature or mythology are required to get the full effect of the story of this game, but the Hollywood delivery was a major turn-off.

With that said, this is the best campaign in the series for the fact that no single part of the game undermines another.  The action sequences are digestible and frenzied and stalking the streets of New Mombasa is a brilliant change of pace.  Finding health-packs, supply chaches and audio logs gives the player much to do and explore.

Multiplayer:

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As for the multiplayer, the game includes Firefight mode, which is comparable to COD 5’s Nazi Zombie mode, horde mode on Gears of War 2 and Survival mode on Left 4 Dead.  The game has 5 rounds in a set and 3 sets.  This mode provides hours of co-op action outside of the campaign and the inclusion of Skull modifiers adds a unique twist to the gameplay.  A second disc is included which comes with the complete Halo 3 multiplayer experience.  This includes original and all DLC map packs plus 3 maps exclusive to Halo 3: ODST owners.  There’s a bit of an issue with this, as owners of Halo 3 and all the map packs will have very little use of the additional disc.  There are 3 exclusive maps, but that isn’t nearly enough to justify the full $60 price tag of the game.  For people who are late to the party the two discs are absolutely worth the price of admission.

The Verdict:

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Loved: The unique story telling is a step in a new direction for Bungie.  The VIZR is extremely helpful and provides the best tactical advantage for the night-time segments, but it’s useless during the day.  The frailty of the ODSTs gives a sense of mortality and I am no longer controlling the hand of God Himself.   The soundtrack is stellar, takes a new approach to the established Halo theme and expands on it to great effect.  The complete multiplayer experience, plus co-op and fire fight mode will keep this disc in my 360 for some time to come.Hated: The over done Hollywood approach was a big turn-off and nearly made me lose faith in the efforts of Bungie from a story telling perspective. Owners of Halo 3 are getting a little bit short-changed with this effort.  The battles can become overbearing at some points and I felt like I wanted to get back to being in the boots of Rookie.  This game includes the lamest

Gade: (B) This game is innovative, but certain aspects holds it back from true greatness and originality.  You’ll get plenty of bang for your buck in the area of gameplay, but some may find the story to be cliched and cheesy.  Bungie steps over bounderies with this effort, but certain conventions keep the game in the realm of pandering to frat boys and 13 year-olds.

For more info: Halo 3: ODST (Metacritic) | Wiki

Ep. 30: Heads Up! Orbital Drop Shock Podcasters

The Heads Up! Display Show Podcast is the weekly source of gamer talk and discussion without the boring news.  The hosts dive deep into the latest trends in video games from the importance of indie developers to the advancement of stories in video games.  We guarantee that each episode is packed with witty dialogue, sophomoric humor and thought provoking topics from the best team in bush-league podcasting.

Enjoy!

WHAT WE ARE PLAYING

Daniel & Jim – Halo 3: ODST (X360)

Darin – Need for Speed: Shift (X360)

THE HYPE MACHINE –

Jim - Brutal Legend (X360)

Release Date | October 13, 2009

Dan – Tatsunoko Vs. Capcom (Wii)

Release Date | January 26, 2010

Dead Rising 2 (X360)

Release Date | Sometime 2010

THE ROUND TABLE –

What are your thoughts of buying content that is already in-game, both legally and otherwise?

BONUS CONTENT:

MEET THE PLAYERS PODCAST: Episode 5

Akira Thompson, QA Tester at Treyarch Studios.

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THE AKIRA THOMPSON INTERVIEW

Akira Thompson is a QA Tester at Treyarch Studios.  Despite what some think, the life of a QA Tester isn’t quite as thankless as the movie Mama’s Boy portrays it as. They are the shock troopers in the front line defending “joe-six-pack-gamers” from terrible bugs and glitches. While the testers know how to have fun, they also know how to get down to business.  Testers play and see games a little differently, always looking for the best way exploit bugs that the programmers and artists have overlooked.

Download the Podcast

<– Subscribe to the podcast on iTunes

<– Stream the podcast directly

<– Don’t use iTunes? Download the MP3 file

For more info: Meet and connect with the hosts and send us feedback.  We’re also willing to answer any of your questions.  If you send us really good ones, you might just get a shout-out on the next episode!

Episode 29: Heads Up! We’re not The Beatles

Ringo has blisters on his fingers.

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Download the Podcast

Subscribe to the podcast on iTunes

Stream the podcast directly

Don’t use iTunes? Download the file

The Heads Up! Display Show Podcast is the weekly source of gamer talk and discussion without the boring news.  The hosts dive deep into the latest trends in video games from the importance of indie developers to the advancement of stories in video games.  We guarantee that each episode is packed with witty dialogue, sophomoric humor and thought provoking topics from the best team in bush-league podcasting.

Enjoy!

BEATLES ROCKBAND

We all played Beatles: Rockband this week and we had a jolly-good time with it.  The game is trippy as balls, finely made and something that John Lennon and George Harrison can smile down upon.  It’s easier than other Rockband or Guitar Hero titles, but the point is not to kill your fingers with blistering riffs and solos, but rather to introduce the masses to the fine music of the Beatles.  It will also give you an appreciation for the skills of Ringo.  Damn, he is a fine drummer.

THE HYPE MACHINE – 18 Minutes 50 Seconds

Dan & Jim - Halo 3: ODST (X360) 

Darin – Need For Speed: Shift (X360)

THE ROUND TABLE – 30 Minutes 10 Seconds

What is your preferred racing game?  Are you more of a simulation racer (Gran Turismo) or are you more inclined for the arcade racer (Burnout)?

BONUS CONTENT: Read more

Fanboyism

At times, I wonder if my opinions lead me to look as if I constantly fall under the trap of being labeled as a fanboy. People naturally do not like being labeled, so I naturally have this inclination to curl up my fists and bite my tongue when that dreaded word is used to describe me. Can one have a close allegiance to a system and not really care much for the others? I had a discussion with Jim Howard last week about SSB Brawl, the wii, and Madden NFL Football. I know what you are thinking and calm down, that Madden tie-in sure is a curve ball, but I will show how it all fits together.

I have had this love-hate relationship with the Nintendo Wii. I was very excited for the Revolution when it was in its early days of conception. The motion controls were intriguing, it had a sleek and sexy console design and you really can not go wrong with Miyamoto helming the game development. It all looked early on that Nintendo was going to start an electronic Armageddon on conventional gaming wisdom and sweep the market. While they have dominated the world markets and have now become recession/depression/apocalypse proof, they have not done a whole lot to really spark my imagination. Read more

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